Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
