literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
