thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
