Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
