..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
