Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
