please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
