YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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