and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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