and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
