its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
