I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
