Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
