I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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