the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
