You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
