As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I touched a dick in church today
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
