OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
