Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
