I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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