just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
