dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
