so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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