Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
