She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
