took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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