At least make sure they are 18
Why
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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