That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
