I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
