she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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