I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
