oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
