i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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