Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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