jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
