No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
