i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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