I accidentally burped into my bong.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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