Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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