OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
