I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
