everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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