Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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