I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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