I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
