you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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