I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
