If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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