Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we're so committed to being not committed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
