I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
