remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
