I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
