the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Less talking, more tequila
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
