It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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