I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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