I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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