hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
