I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
